Keeping the Spark Alive: Managing Stress and Making Time for Each Other During Summer Break
Summer is often seen as a season of joy and freedom—longer days, warmer weather, and a break from the usual school-year grind. But for many couples, it can also be a period of heightened stress. When the kids are home full-time, routines are disrupted, schedules become chaotic, and it’s easy for partners to become more like co-managers than romantic companions. As a marriage therapist, I frequently hear couples say, “We love summer, but we’re exhausted and disconnected by the end of it.” It doesn’t have to be that way.
Here’s how you can manage stress and protect your relationship during the summer months:
1. Acknowledge That It’s a Transition
First, understand that moving into summer break is a big shift—not just for the kids, but for you as a couple. There’s often an expectation that summer should be fun and carefree, but the reality is that the loss of structure can create anxiety and tension. Acknowledging this helps you approach the season with more empathy—for your partner and yourself.
2. Revisit Expectations Together
Sit down early in the summer and talk about what each of you hopes to get out of the season. Do you want more family time, more rest, time for hobbies? Is one of you feeling overwhelmed with childcare responsibilities? Clear communication can help avoid resentment and allow for better planning.
3. Create (and Protect) Couple Time
It’s easy to fall into the trap of scheduling every moment for the kids—camps, playdates, trips to the pool—but your relationship deserves time too. Even if it’s just 30 minutes after the kids are in bed, set aside regular “couple time.” This doesn’t have to mean a fancy date. A walk around the block, a glass of wine on the porch, or watching a show together can go a long way in maintaining your emotional connection.
4. Share the Load
One common stressor I see in couples is an unequal distribution of summer responsibilities. If one partner is doing most of the childcare or household work, burnout is inevitable. Check in weekly and make adjustments as needed. Divide duties in a way that feels fair, and remember: asking for help isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength.
5. Practice “Micro-Connection” Throughout the Day
When long stretches of alone time aren’t possible, look for brief but meaningful moments to connect: a quick hug in the kitchen, a text during the day that says, “Thinking of you,” or a shared laugh over breakfast. These “micro-moments” help you feel seen and valued even when life is busy.
6. Plan Something Just for the Two of You
If possible, try to schedule at least one date or overnight getaway during the summer—even if it’s months down the line. Having something to look forward to as a couple can be a powerful motivator and a reminder that your relationship matters too.
Summer doesn’t have to mean sacrificing your connection. With intention, communication, and small acts of care, you can enjoy the season not only as parents, but as partners. Remember, the best gift you can give your children is a strong, loving relationship between the two of you.